Are you madly in love with your partner or simply devoted to them? Although love can be complicated, this article clarifies a few of the distinctions between attachment and true love. I hope that these explanations will assist you in nurturing your current relationship or in forming a future one based on genuine love.

#1. Love is selfless, attachment is selfish

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When you’re in love, you focus on making the other person happy. You are always thinking of ways to make sure your partner feels loved and fulfilled. You don’t keep score, you don’t argue over who helps the most, or you argue over who gets to do the dishes. You are not emotionally blackmailing your partner, trying to manipulate them or dominating the relationship.

When you’re simply attached to someone, you focus on how they can make you happy. You become very dependent on your partner and may even try to control them to avoid abandonment. Instead of dealing with your problems, you use your partner to boost your self-esteem and fill a void within you. You believe they are responsible for your happiness and become frustrated and angry if they can not bring you happiness.

#2. Love is liberating, attachment is controlling

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Mutual love allows you to be yourself. Your partner encourages you to be who you really are, and you won’t be afraid to expose your weaknesses. Mutual trust grows and becomes a powerful catalyst for personal growth for both of you. Love controls everything. In reality, love transcends control.

Your partner’s ability to accept you for who you are and encourage you to pursue your dreams allows you to let go of the need to control your life. Attachment, on the other hand, tends to fuel controlling behavior. You may discourage your partner from spending time with their friends, playing mind games, or devoting an unhealthy level of attention to pleasing them. You can also try to manipulate them into being with you regardless of their feelings.

#3. Love is mutual growth, attachment is encumbering

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If you are in love, you and your partner will grow together. When you both work to become the best versions of yourselves, you will become better than you could be on your own. In short, your partner stimulates your growth and you do the same for him

In attachment cases, your need for control and your inability to solve your own problems limit your growth and that of your partner. Your unresolved issues cause unnecessary dependency on your partner. Unsurprisingly, this limits the growth of both parties and makes it difficult to love in a healthy way

#4. Love is everlasting, attachment is transient

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Love survives the passage of time. You and your partner may separate for good, either temporarily or permanently. However, if you are truly in love, that person will always have a place in your heart and you will continue to wish them well for the rest of their life. On the other hand, if you were simply attached to her, you will likely harbor resentment after a breakup. You may even feel a betrayal. These feelings are based on the assumption that your partner had a duty to make you happy that you felt was not being fulfilled

#5. Love is ego-reducing, attachment is ego-boosting.

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When you are in love, you become less self-centered. Your relationship serves to lower your ego, promote your growth, and encourage you to become less selfish and more loving. The relationship you have with your partner fuels positive changes for both of you. More importantly, you both have the courage to share your weaknesses, expose your vulnerabilities, and communicate from the heart.

On the other hand, attachment-based relationships are usually ego-dominated. This is why so many people keep getting caught up in a steady stream of unsatisfying relationships, all with the same recurring problems. You find it difficult to look within and solve your problems. It creates a dependency within your relationship, which triggers the feeling that you can’t be happy without your partner.

You rely on your partner to solve your problems or, at least, to help you forget them. If you’re not in love right now, I sincerely hope you find your soulmate and build a beautiful relationship with that person. In the meantime, why not work on becoming a better, more loving version of yourself? As the saying goes, “I like it attracts like. If so, it’s wise to become the person you want to attract!